I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
