Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
