Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
