I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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