His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
