So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
