Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
