You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
