Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
