Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
