Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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