he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
