9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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