dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
