If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
