i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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