If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
