now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
