Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's official drugs can't kill me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize