Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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