I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
