I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
