I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize