Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
