sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
