Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
40s are totally the cure
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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