My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
