I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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