You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
