He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Let's get the cat blown out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
