Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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