I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
