i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
