Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
