You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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