if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize