i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
