it's too hot outside to masturbate.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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