I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
