I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
