my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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