that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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