coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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