The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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