I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
