My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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