I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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