Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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