She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
