he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
