I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is classic penis vs brain.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
