But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
