Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
