Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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