Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this just has baby written all over it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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