I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
