The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
