I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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