well you can't waste a boner
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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