I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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