I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
