just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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