"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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