So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
