you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
