He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
