my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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