Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
