his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
