I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize