smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
