Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
