R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
