I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This baby is an asshole
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
