I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
