His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
