Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
