Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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