Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How naked do you want me to be?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
