the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
