Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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