I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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