Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
