Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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