you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
