I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
