I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
