You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
