Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
