he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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