I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
