Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
