Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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