Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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