I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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