Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
